i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
