i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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