I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
