I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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