Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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