and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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