Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
