Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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