i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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