Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
is that a dick in a sweater?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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