i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
