he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
