so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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