bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
