Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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