Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
