In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
