can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
