I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
