i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
