Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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