Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is wine microwaveable?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
