oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
