just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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