K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
