I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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