I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had sex on a dog bed..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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