Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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