found the other keg... it's in the tree
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
