she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
