I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
