i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
