Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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