what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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