Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
