He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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