I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
