I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
