Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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