gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
