So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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