Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
