dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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