i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
