She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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