Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
