batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
