TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
