What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
