Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
