thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
