All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
